I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
