Apparently you make a good broom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
