Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
