i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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