I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
4 words: hood of his car
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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