i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize