i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
