remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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