Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
