I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How's work?
Spinning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
