just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize