I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
