she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
