we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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