i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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