I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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