You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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