She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
