Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
