i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
