I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
