I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
