Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
