When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
