When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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