my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
