he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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