i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
