So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
