Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
