not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
