I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
