There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
