Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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