I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wear drunk well.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
