just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
