Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
