a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
