She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
