nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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