I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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