Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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