she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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