I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
