he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
