I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
