I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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