wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
