Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
