Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
