you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
