Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
