Sry I called you an 8
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
