Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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