My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
