Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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