watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize