the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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