hell yes lets make some ravioli
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
