I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
