At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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