I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
