Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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