Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
