the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
