My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
