We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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