question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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