living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
