You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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