drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I didn't shave. On purpose
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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