Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
