OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
