im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
