Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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