I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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