can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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