you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
