I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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